By the time I hit 38 weeks, I was beyond ready to meet our little guy. I was sick of the uncomfortable sleep, rotating through the 5 outfits that still fit (which consisted entirely of leggings and maxi skirts), and the constant anxiety of whether or not my water had broken. To say I was paranoid would be an understatement. I had had enough of the "Wow you're ready to pop" and constant stares at my belly from strangers. So when my due date came and went without getting to meet my babe I was a whole new level of frustrated and anxious. But then the day came, and all of a sudden I wasn't ready! Had I enjoyed my pregnancy as much as I could? Was I ready to not feel our little guy's every move? I would no longer be the only one to really know him, was I ready to share? Would I be a good mom? What if he won't breastfeed? What if we don't have that instant connection! How smooth would delivery go? Would my relationship with Teddy remain as strong as it was when we had a baby to constantly take care of? Would I feel incomplete without my belly, and being able to protect him at all times? I may have panicked a little {a lot}. And then, my sweetest husband gave me a beautiful blessing and even though my worries didn't go away, they were manageable and I was able to enjoy this special day.
Looking back, I only have one regret. I wish I wouldn't have been so over-the-top anxious about every little thing that was coming my way. But honestly, I don't think there is any way to prevent that. After going through such a sacred experience, I know that all those worries were so minor compared to the joy that would soon be overflowing from my heart.
{Almost ready to push!}
Finally, at 11:38 that night, I held my little boy. The warmth of his body on my chest was the sweetest thing I have ever felt. Feeling his {extremely long} arms and legs squirming, and hearing that sweet newborn cry changed my life forever. I was his mommy and I had no doubt that he knew that too. All of the sudden I was changed. I was no longer only a wife, sister, auntie, or friend. I was a mom and there is no greater calling I could ever dream of having in life. I cried and cried because already, being a mom was better than I had ever dreamed it would be. Watching Ted hold our sweet baby for the first time was heart wrenching in the best way possible. I had occasionally worried that they wouldn't have an instant connection because feeling a baby move from the outside is so different than feeling him roll around, and hiccup inside of you. I could not have been more wrong. I watched as our dark eyed boy looked at his daddy, and his daddy pulled him close with the biggest smile I had ever seen. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that we could do this. I knew it would be so hard at times, and we had so much to learn. But with these two boys on my team, how could I wish for anything greater?
Being a mom isn't easy. It is a constant battle of trying to find balance in a crazy, hectic life. But when I lay in bed with my husband and we contemplate whether or not we should wake up our sleeping angel so we can play with him, I know there isn't anything else in the entire world I would rather be doing. Watching our little Lucas light up when he sees Ted beats everything I ever dreamed of. His smiley eyes, toothless grin, and baby coos make me wonder what I was ever doing before this. How could it get any better? There isn't anything more important in my life than my family, and as imperfect as we are-- I wouldn't trade this for anything. I can't wait for the adventures we have ahead. Life is so wonderful, and it keeps getting better every single day.
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